Leveraging the Pain and Hurts in Your Life for Good

My wife and I were privileged to attend a Leadership Summit simulcast in Winnipeg earlier this month. One of the great leaders and speakers who spoke was Wess Stafford, President and CEO of Compassion International. Wess is an internationally recognized advocate for children in poverty. Wess maintains that leadership without compassion is not leadership at all! He challenged us to consider what fuels our leadership – is it joy and fulfillment or is it driven by pain, sorrow or fear?

Then Wess shared his leadership story and what lies behind his drive and compassion for children. Wess grew up as a missionary kid in Africa. He spent his elementary education years in a Baptist mission school where he and other missionary kids endured unbelievable abuse – physical, emotional and even sexual abuse at the hands of supposedly dedicated Christians. At one point at 10 years of age and just before he got on the plane to fly back to the school for another term Wess dared to break the “code of silence” and blurted out to his parents about the abuse he and other kids were experiencing. He begged them not to send him back. His mother was so distraught over what he shared that she was unable to continue to function as a missionary and had to return to the States due to an emotional breakdown.

At school Wess was singled out by the headmaster and humiliated for breaking the silence. He was blamed for his mother’s emotional breakdown and that he was the cause of defeating his parents’ ministry – now hundreds of Africans would end up in hell. He was accused of serving Satan. To demonstrate that you can’t serve both God and Satan without getting burned the headmaster handed him a candle with wicks at both ends. He then lit both wicks. It was during the ordeal of watching the flames move toward his finger that Wes resolved to not let the abuse go on any longer. He would endure the flame and not let go. Anger burned within him at his abusers and their mistreatment of the students. He loved the African children and what Mr. Edwards said was not true. That was a defining moment in Wes’ young life. He would not let the abuse continue. Fortunately Wess’ dad did some investigative inquiry into of the school and changes were made.

That candle incident was the defining moment that turned Wes in the direction of his life’s work as a passionate advocate for the hurting children of the world. He refuses to be defeated and to give in to the powerful forces that would violate the downtrodden and oppressed. He tells his story in his book Too Small to Ignore – Why the Least of These Matters Most.

Wes challenges us to consider how we might leverage our past hurts and pain for good. Rather than allowing the pain and hurts of his past to hamstring his future he allowed God to redeem the past for His glory. Out of the pain of his past God is using Wes to champion children to the Church. Wess states that “poverty and abuse whisper the same destructive message into the spirit of a child: ‘Give up. Nobody cares. You don’t matter.’ It’s a voice from the depths of hell that wars against the truth proclaimed by the Gospel: ‘You do matter. God loves and believes in you..’”

Wes wrestled with the question of “Where was God when the abuse was happening?” He doesn’t say it was God’s plan for the abuse to occur. But Wes believes that God can redeem anything and bring good out of evil. He sees God’s shaping hand at work in his life preparing him for an epic fight on behalf of abused children.

Wess came to the point where he knew that he needed to forgive his abusers even though his abusers never asked for forgiveness and even were not sorry. He would only keep hurting himself if he didn’t forgive. If you don’t forgive those who hurt you they live rent-free in your life. Don’t let what they did define you. If they damaged your childhood, don’t give them the power over the rest of your life. Choose to forgive.

Good words – good challenge. As I think of some of the pain and hurt that many of our aboriginal brothers and sisters have experienced in their childhood this can be a message of hope for them. Those of us who have experienced personal pain through loss of a loved one or due to the betrayal of trust it’s a good message. Don’t hang on to your hurts and pain. Choose to forgive. Ask God to show you His next steps for you in your journey to wholeness. He can redeem anything…He can leverage your past for His glory.